big and little

new site

The new Big and little is up and running. If you feel inclined, come visit and update your links and bloglines.

You can now find me here: Big and Little

Thanks for letting me drag you all over the web with these moves of mine, and thanks for the comments on my previous post about slowing down the blog. Your words are appreciated and they warmed and encouraged me, as always.

busy as a ...

...mason bee :)

I know, I'm not supposed to bee showing myself around these parts much, what with the idea of wanting to cut back my blogging/computer time way, way down. But I swear, I miss this place, you, everything, so much already. And besides, I had to show Tabitha exactly what I had pulled my van full of sleeping children over to the side of the road to photograph! See! How could I drive by without a quick shot of this?

There are just the most beautiful blossoms everywhere you look, and the most perfect over-cast, drizzling days (my favorite lighting conditions) which make it a photographer's dream right now! Okay, I'm really working on that new site, but slowly... I'm only alotting myself 20 minutes or so a day on here. Posting this took up half of that. At this rate, it'll be a couple of weeks yet before it's comfy.

Bluebells? I guess so, that's what I've always called them, anyway.

(And if you want to know more about those mason bees or a few tidbits on pollination, go check out CVK, a local site I've been really enjoying. That girl is rocking the North Island blog scene, I have to say, go Robin!)

Now, off to mulch my zucchini beds while those kids are still sleeping...

slowly but steadily moving foward

I began blogging very quietly to myself, just to get really personal matters off my chest. I blogged to process things, talk about my past, explore the present. I blogged in an attempt to see things differently & shift my perspective on life. I blogged to document my children's births, milestones, first foods, teeth, owies... I blogged to share my enthusiasm about becoming creative, joining world of crafting and sewing, and often enjoyed sharing something I was making or made. I blogged through periods of intense loneliness and perceived isolation. I blogged to document my homeschooling thoughts and our experiences. I blogged to document three pregnancies! I blogged to work myself through numerous bouts of debilitating depression. I blogged my discovery and exploration of my love for photography. I bought cameras and learned how to use them primarily because of blogging! I blogged the trials and triumphs of motherhood. I blogged about the financial frustrations and hopelessness around not being able to buy a home. I blogged to reflect on my journey through therapy, mental health issues, and my emotional work. I blogged to keep a record of my garden and what we got up to in it each year. I blogged to share my journey of living greener, eating locally, striving for healthier choices for my family.

All this blogging has had a huge impact on my life. I am deeply thankful for it in new ways every day. The people I've met and come to know (both in that special sort of blog world way, and a few in real life) have added something to my life I can't even begin to describe. You've been amazing!

But with the daily demands of being mother to a wonderful teen, homeschooling mother to three very young children, wife in a marriage that needs daily TLC to keep it healthy and alive, and a long list of goals and projects that keep getting left on the back burner, I feel I've lost my focus and ability to write and share here in a consistent way, and on a level that keeps it purposeful and meaningful to me. I'm moving over to Blogger where I feel I can continue posting much less frequently without feeling overly invested. It's free and non-commital. I haven't got a link to share yet, but if you like, I can let you know when I do.

Thanks for the links, the love, and the learning so many things about each other. It's been a blast!

thoughts on the creative life

First, before I go on blabbing about the little things, there is something big I want to mention. My dear friend, Jackie, (most of you have been following her tragic story) has an online shop. I just wanted to give a heads up to those who have been wondering and wishing for some way to help her out. Purchasing something from Oma's Offerings would be a great way to do that. There has also been a paypal account opened online for anyone wishing to make a donation to a trust fund for Jackie's babes.

You can donate by going to Poppy & Mei Days, or Grandy and Baa's and clicking the donate button on the sidebar. Deepest, most sincere thanks to you.

*****

Now, the little things.

I've finally added a few more colors to my wool stash today. I'm still enjoying working away at the wet felted balls I began making a little while ago. I still haven't decided what I'm doing with them but I guess as long as I keep adding to the pile, the possibilities just become greater, right? I'm still thinking along the lines of stringing them together to hang. I just love the colors.

Kelly, (from Rain), commented on my earlier post, saying, "What am I missing with the felt? Besides being beautiful to take pictures of, what does one do with it?". Well, I have to say... what Kelly says about the photogenic quality of wool is true, as it also is for just about any fiber art I can think of. I really enjoy peeking around at so many of the inspiring photographs of various wool crafts out there, as much as I do quilt design or embroidery.  It's about the easiest and most guaranteed way to get inspired to make stuff. Not to mention the inspiration I get to take a lot more pictures, too!

But as for what I get out of the actual making... for me, wool is simply an aesthetically delightful, natural fiber to work with. I guess it's one of those crafty things where the process is as much (or sometimes even more so) a point as the end result is.

The first time I worked with wool roving, I was hooked. I haven't made a great number of things yet, aside from tinkering with a few needle felted projects, but it's a craft that hugely appeals to me and has been sitting waiting for me to explore further for a about a year now... Waiting for that elusive weekly chunk of spare time I've put aside for spending in the craft room. You know? Once the kids get better at entertaining themselves and don't mind me running off for a bit here and there to make stuff by myself? Ha ha ha!

The nice thing about wet felting, one of the things I like most, is I don't have to wait for that spare time. Sitting beside Kale at the table (not up and away in my sewing room) while the little ones nap, wet felting wool balls while he colors and says funny things that are on his mind.... that's my idea of a nice afternoon.

He's gets involved with the felting once in a while, lasts about five or ten minutes (long enough to make a ball or two, but mostly to get himself good and soapy and wet) and that's good enough for him. He's all about small doses of pretty much anything these days.

And I'm learning, slowly, that a whole lot of teeny-tiny doses of creativity are better than trying to push anything really big -- and ending up fizzling out in the middle. I know this from personal experience!

*****

Today I packed up that sewing room I mentioned. We've decided to try turning all the rooms upstairs into bedrooms and we'll move all the crafty stuff, fabric, sewing machine, work tables, inspiration board (in the works), wool, etc. all down to the main floor so it's more accessible during the day, and so it's where we can all be together using it. It makes so much sense, but for some reason I never got motivated to do it, until prompted very recently by....

The second-hand piano we just found for Aden, at last!

We'll be picking it up this weekend (I'm so excited) and it needs to fit into one of the rooms downstairs that's currently a bedroom. So out and up goes the bedroom stuff, and in goes the piano and crafty stuff. A seriously creative and fun unschooling time is going to be had here I think. I am just so relieved we finally found a piano for Aden at a price we could manage. He has been playing with the conservatory for over a year now (ever-so-patiently) on a digital keyboard. He has so earned this baby.

I can't wait to hear the gorgeous sound of his fingers playing on the real thing, filling the house, daily. Oh, that and the random and experimental pounding that is sure to follow with certain little boys around...

That's life for me!

That was a lot of blabbing. About the little stuff of life. The stuff that keeps me going. Thanks for ya'll being here to hear it.

Love,
Krista

 

comfortable yellow

Taking comfort in the every day (extra)ordinary pieces that make up my life lately. I cut the lawn for the first time this year today and the smell was.... ah. The blades of the mower left the dandelions closest to the house unscathed. I'm so fine with that.

This big fat bumblebee wasn't doing anything at all. The wings were settled into each other and there was no buzz, he/she was quietly clinging to the four stamens inside this flower, taking a nap possibly? I stroked the soft fuzz a few times with a fingertip, which prompted the bee to take off in a drowsy weighted -down sort of way. I think it's still quite cold for the little critters around here.

Of course, a kitchen table scene. This time it's painting. I keep meaning to start an 'at the table set' on Flickr. There just never seems to be an end to the things we do together at that table. There's never a shortage of photos from those moments, either. Must get on that.

Last, a few bits of color popping up in the backyard. Things seem slow this year. Mesclun and peas have barely broken through the cold, crusty soil. Many things haven't germinated at all. The sprouts inside are in for a shock if things don't warm up soon-ish for them. We had snow the other day. Snow! On the cherry blossoms! Hmmmmm. Oh well, I can't complain on a day where I was actually able to mow the lawn I guess?

I'm thinking I've got a flu bug from Todd. He's been sick home for 3 days. Now I'm feverish with a sore throat and such a heavy feeling in my legs.... Let's hope it's scared off by all the greens and fish oil I've been so good about taking!

Hoping you are well,and have given each of those you love at least one big, squishy, connected, i-love-you-so-much kind of hug today :)

Krista

 

emerging for a moment

Sometimes... silence is the worst option.

It's so hard not to have a voice when there is so much emotion and so much change happening. At first, silence feels like a most natural and appropriate reaction to grief and to entering into the unknown.... and then how quickly it can swallow you up if you've denied yourself the connections you need. I've discovered over the last several months and now even more in the last week what tremendous relief there is in being heard. Feeling understood. How valuable the daily human-to-human connections we make are. I've discovered how much I need those connections, and how suffocated and isolated I feel without them.

I feel the stongest urge to express the huge spectrum of emotions that have flooded our home this week; discouragement, grief, anger, helplessness, worry, fear, saddness, powerlessness....  gratitude, relief, hope, empathy, compassion, selflessness, love...

There has been such an overwhelming response in our community from people who wish to support and love Jackie and her children through this crisis, both short and long term, and I am just so relieved and grateful.

Thank you so much for sending your kind words of love and your sympathy to Jackie over at her blog. This global community never ceases to give me hope. You've all helped me so much with your wise and loving words in the past, during some of my own deepest, darkest times, and I'll always be so grateful!! There is nothing richer or more meaningful than witnessing human beings in their most natural state of compassion - sharing deep concern and love for others in need.

Here at big and little, April will be all about the expression of emotion, and the gratitude I feel for all the little things in my life that add up to mean something bigger. It will be an exercise of taking personal stock of these things over the next month, and hopefully taking photos that express them as well to keep in our family journal, and to share here.

I am so thankful for this place, as it provides for me an opportunity to put my emotions out there in a different, much needed way.

 

Love to you all.

Krista

   

all I can say

How quickly life can change.

Dear Jackie, you know I am here for you for as much as you need me. It is so hard knowing that the help I offer can't even touch the surface of your sadness right now. Anything I can do or say seems so inadequate. And it is. But I will try my best anyway I can to help you live again when you are ready. We all will. We love you. You are like a bright ray of sunshine in all our lives and we will be so patient and close to you while you stay with your grief, knowing that one day, your bright light will be seen shining again.

I will be taking a month of silence from this place so I can focus any spare energy I've got into more urgently needed areas. Nothing I could write about or share right now seems as pertinent. Please, if you have any rays of light to shine, or words that can serve as any sort of comfort around loss to share with Jackie, please, send them Jackie's way. I know it would mean so much over the next month.

Thank you and I'll see you all again in May.

a bit of the home life

Easter wasn't a total loss, even with the flu. Though there's been a pretty scattered sort of energy about this place the last couple of days. When the kids are feeling a sudden burst of energy and slight drop in fever (usually about 2 hours after each new dose of Tylenol) they demand action, a break from all the laying around and TV over-dosing. So I attempt to do something, sometimes something as simple as story time, or maybe a little more involved - felting, puzzle making or baking... But whatever we're getting into it seems the boys last a very brief period of time and then fizzle out. Before long, I'm tucking them back into bed with sippy cups, and heavy eyelids, and I am left to carry it on. For example...

We started wet felting balls a little while back and I've been doing a little bit with Kale when he's got the urge. He is pretty good at it and has made a few, but I've done the majority of them. Such a simple concept are these little things, but so gratifyingly easy to make. I am not certain what I'm going to do with them yet, aside from just letting the kids play with them which they seem to like a lot. I had the idea to hang them up together somehow. I'm still thinking on it and plan to make a huge pile more, but I'm out of colors and need to pick up more from the farm school stash next week.

I've also been getting some work done in my little nursery while the boys are down. Above are some tomatoes I just transplanted. I usually initially plant 2 - 3 seeds in each pot of each variety I'm growing, always with the intention of thinning out the extras once we have good germination happening. And each year... I can't do it. Instead, I pot them up and try to squeeze as many of the "unplanned" ones into the garden as I can, or I go crazy trying to find GOOD homes for them (I'm pretty ridiculously protective of baby plants!).

This year, as you can see, is no exception. There are a few different types of heirloom, organic varieties of tomatoes, and soon there will be extra peppers, too. Any local readers & friends want 'em? Come and get 'em! They've transplanted well and we really don't have room for them this year. We're maxed-out! There are conditions though: I'll be expecting updates on their state of wellness, photos (if you have a blog) and I'll be demanding visitation rights! ;-)

As for the rest of the veggies, the purple sprouting broccoli is, well... sprouting like crazy! The kale is now up and cute as can be (yes, I know, I'm biased), and the first of the peppers have finally come, taking much longer than I thought they would. Seeds always pull that one on me, as soon as I'm at my peak of doubt that they'll germinate and am all set to plant a new batch, there they are next time I look!

Another one that took longer than many of the other veggies I grow is my rhubarb chard. But it finally came up two days ago and it's looking great (above tomatoes). I'm thrilled that I'll be picking chard freely from the garden soon enough - I am so addicted to it that I usually pick up a bunch whenever we go out. I've gotta have it. But it's really expensive. That won't be a problem much longer, though.

Just a quick shot below of a flowering red current in the forest near us. Ah, more signs of spring. I took it today on a quick excursion to the falls and back with Sam (wrapped in blanket and tucked into stroller), for a sanity break for me and to put some distance between him and Hillary. He's all over her most of the time and I really, really don't want her catching this one if I can help it. Fortunately Aden was home to give me a brief respite.

When the boys not sharing germs, fighting, grumbling, crying and generally expressing discontent, they're doing a whole lot of sleeping, all over the house. Fevers consistently at 102.5, heads and eyes aching, harsh coughs, but thankfully, at least, no runny noses, yay for no boogers!

It's good to find the positive side wherever you can, right?

Do they not look sad? I can't wait until my boys are back to normal and we can turn the TV off, finish projects that we start, and get outside together again! Why does a few days seem like weeks when your kids are sick and you're stuck indoors? Why?

Looks like it's my turn to fizzle out before I finish -- I intended to share some links, a few bits of happy news I've got, as well as the chimes I finished and some baking with recipes from the weekend but it'll have to wait! For now, I'm off to man the post with the kids and give Todd his turn at some respite.

Happy Eggster

It's been a long few days without Internet since our service crashed on Thursday. Not to mention some bizarre sicky bug pecking off each member of my family at random, leaving and coming back and leaving again. And me feeling generally moody and sad and annoyed and joyful and creative and happy all at once. This fickle weather hasn't been much different! A few minutes ago, it was so, so dark. Now the sun is beaming like there's no tomorrow.

Mix that all together though, and you get something like this:

We still managed to partake in most of our favorite conventional Easter-ish activities, do a whole whack of baking, and soaking in these first few sweet "official" days of Spring. I'll be back soon with heaps of photos and happy things to talk about :)

happy Spring!

Today is the Spring Equinox! It's a time to do the happy dance! Creativity energy has been flowing around here in abundance, which is a tell-tale sign that we're coming into my favorite season.

The weekend preceding St. Patrick's Day started out with a hike at the falls at the crack of dawn on Saturday.

We were engulfed in a heavy and cool but revitalizing mist and surrounded entirely by a thousand hues of green during our entire hike; it was just what we needed (despite the fact that small children running around extremely fast falling water proved to be insanely unnerving - I still felt such bliss just being there).

We ended it with a brunch of homemade cookies, carrots, apples, yogurt and sprout and hummus sandwiches put together on the back bumper of the van before heading off. Yummy-yum-yum.

Sunday was spent accomplishing the first outdoor plantings of the year -- spinach, radishes, peas, mesclun. Indoors, I planted peppers - mild banana and red ruffle (sweet), our heirloom tomatoes - pink, yellow and black Brandywine beefsteak, ghost cherry, elfin cherry and Sophie's choice and Amish paste, as well as some Lancinato kale, and rhubarb Swiss chard to set out in a few weeks. The purple sprouting broccoli I started a little while back is already looking good and will also go out in a few weeks.

Kale started his sunflowers as well.

We ended the weekend with a whole lot of fiddling and dancing on Sunday evening. Kale was my dance partner and he was pretty keen until it got a little complicated. After that, I had to settle for toe-tapping at the side with Hillary while he ran around socializing, which was just as fun for him. I wanted to try more of those dances though! There's word that the Nanaimo Fiddlers may be hosting such a dance once a month soon, and so there may be plenty of opportunity to improve our steps. We brought home a disc (how can you resist the sound of fiddle music?) and much of St. Patrick's Day was spent hopping around the house and practicing the dosado!

Since then, we've been to a friend's place to play (and to make a great big mess since I suggested we try our hand at making marshmallows, thanks for being such a willing victim partner Jackie!), we've been skipping (yes, as in jumping rope - it's so much fun it got me wondering why we stop doing certain things just because we're grown-ups?), we've been farmschooling (Kale and his friends worked on the bridge they've been building and Hillary explored the djembe with me in the warmth indoors).

We've been spring cleaning, rearranging furniture, building race car tracks, painting... We've even been wet felting at home. I can't believe I'm actually finding time to make something crafty for what feels like the first time in so long (even if it is just little felted balls)! Photos later. On top of it all, I've been taking gobs and gobs of photos in an attempt to keep track of it all (and even get some developed - WOOHOO!).

I find it the most impossible time of year to blog, there is so much going on to write about but nothing slows down enough to make it happen, my mind doesn't slow down... There is so much new energy, and yet, still so little sleep to counter-balance it, due to the girl. I am still holding out hope that that will change really soon...

Tomorrow there will be a group of us, lots of kiddos and parents coming together to celebrate this new year, possibly share some Spring Resolutions, but mostly, just revel in the joyful fact that we made it through another dark winter and it's now a time to allow ourselves to become happily overwhelmed by the presence of new life all around and a whole lot of new light.

Hope your First Day of Spring is swell.